


That One God Mpreg AU

by TMPNMK



Category: christianity (religion), the bible (book)
Genre: Bible, Communism, Democracy, F/M, Feminism, God - Freeform, I Blame Tumblr, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I WAS TIRED, LGBT characters, Mpreg, My First Work in This Fandom, Post Mpreg, Talking Animals, Talking Snake, The Bible - Freeform, Trans rights, a scale-y?, but - Freeform, dare i say?, fuck da patriarchy, god said "trans rights", not a furry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMPNMK/pseuds/TMPNMK
Summary: Adam was a bro, who was birthed into this world by god.A retelling of the Adam and Eve story in the bible, based on my memories from bible camp.





	That One God Mpreg AU

Adam was a bro, who was birthed into this world by God. Who is presumably also a bro. He-Him pronouns and all. Mpreg is real, y’all.  
God’s status as a bro is actually a wee bit questionable. Because god did his child-hommie-friend Adam dirty. He stranded him in some sorta bougie garden all by his lonesome. He was left in the garden of bougie without any sorta food or clothing. The only food items available were some freaking apples on a forbidden tree.  
The only food available was forbidden because greed is a sin and eating to survive is supposedly greedy, this is where our unhealthy relationship with food comes from y'all. Idk, God is a weirdo. After a while Adam got pretty bored of being all by his lonesome. His only companion was his daddy who wouldn't even talk with him most of the time. Adam was lonely, sad, and pining. Adam was ready to move forward in life. Adam was ready to make friends. 

God saw that his lil’ child-hommie-friend was lonely. So God cast a sleeping spell on his spawn. While Adam slept, God tore out Adam’s rib and stuck it in some mud. Leaving Adam with a gaping hole in his chest, God proceeded to make a woman out of the mud-rib pile. This woman was created out of mud, Adam’s rib, and accompanying flesh bits and bodily fluids so it is safe to say that this gal was effectively Adam’s clone-sister. Why God didn’t just impregnate himself, and birth another child-hommie-friend, is a mystery of the ages. Anywho, Eve was a woman. Seeing as she was made of the same genetic material as Adam, but is referred to by different pronouns, it is safe to say that one of the two is trans. Seeing as both were God’s most precious creations, it is safe to say that God said “trans-rights”. Anywho, Eve was a woman, and therefore not quite as dumb as her husband-clone-brother, Adam. Eve thought the entire “don’t eat the apple" shit was in fact, shit. Eve was hungry, and those apples were the only means of sustenance. God made a whole-ass clone out of mud and rib. God could make his own fucking apples. But when Eve brought this all up with Adam, Adam said no.

Eve was a boss-ass-bitch. Adam wasn't allowed to be in-charge by default. Fuck the patriarchy.  
Eve was a woman, and therefore gifted with more braincells, so she decided to follow the rational path of democracy, and settle the dispute via finding a tie-breaking vote.  
God was out, as there were inherent power dynamics within that relationship. Eve sought out an additional comrade to participate. While God had supplied many animals into the garden, all were mute.  
Except for a single snake. While Eve recognized that the other animals were just lacking in education, time was of the essence, as she was getting pretty hungry, and an apple pie sounded good right about now. With the snake hitching a ride round her hair, Eve reconvened with Adam. The vote came down to two v one in favour of eating the apple. With snakey boi and Eve in the affirmative, and Adam in the negation. The apple was eaten. God got mad, “blah blah blah sin, blah blah blah bad, blah blah blah I feel excluded and threatened by the power of democracy.” Whatever. Eve had a pie to bake.


End file.
